OneMom in the Darkness
Sunday June 3, 2012 (our 12th Wedding Anniversary)
I haven’t been around the blog much in the last few weeks, with a variety of reasons keeping me from writing. I’ll give you some of my thoughts by category …
Faith…
- We live in a very small town, surrounded by a lot of wilderness – finding the depth of Christian teaching and fellowship that we long for has gone unfulfilled in the nearly 3 years since we moved here.
- I have been focusing on the writings of Isaiah, and a song by Harvest “Know that I am God”
So if in darkness you lose your way
The river rises. Don’t be afraid
I’ve walked the deepest parts of
Every river that can rage
When you’re broken and all alone
Your love has faded, your strength is gone
Remember I gave My only Son that you might knowThe storms will come, the rains will fall
But in your darkest hour of all
Lift your eyes and know that I am God
Family…
- It is hard for me to believe that it has been almost 3 years that I have been working and my husband has been the stay-at-home parent. Our daughter is 10 now, and while I am grateful that we are able to continue to homeschool, she needs a full time mom.
- My husband is trying to get back into the construction world, focusing on repairs and renovations, but as this is a very small community, it is difficult to find enough consistent work to help make ends meet.
- Hannah is sweet and precious, and learning and growing everyday. She still has challenges related to her severe speech disorder, and I am concerned for what the world will hold for her as she gets older. This weighs heavy on my heart every day.
- My husband is struggling with decisions and difficulties with his elderly parents and family 1000 miles from here. It is a lot to try and manage from so far away.
Finances and Work…
- Things have been difficult on both fronts. Some unexpected expenses have taken quite a toll on us and we are struggling. We live very simply, but the cost of living combined with unexpected expenses has been very difficult the last several months.
- Work has been very stressful and unpleasant. Not the work itself, which I have been successful at and find rewarding, but the environment of my employment is presently difficult.
- Despite finding my work rewarding, I would drop it in a second if an opportunity came up for my husband so I could be yet again a full-time mom.
Blogging …
- I have found the blog world greatly unpleasant for the last year or so, with some very negative comments attacking me, my job, my work ethic, my faith. I have stopped allowing the comments from these individuals to be published on my blog, because it was just “feeding the trolls” as they say, but still their negativity and words hurt and have caused me to hesitate to write about anything of substance anymore. The world is full of bullies, perhaps more so online than in any other venue because people can spew their venom from behind their computer screens.
Politics …
- I have ceased listening to the national news in recent months. There is no such thing as objective journalism anymore – the blatant twisting of the “news” from the right and the left is exhausting. I don’t trust either side to tell me the truth anymore. The spin and the hatred from all sides is too much to handle.
This is truly the condensed version of what is going on in my life right now. I’m not personally doing very well, as I wake up crying and struggling to keep anxiety at bay. Again, this is why I am so drawn to the song by Harvest:
The storms will come, the rains will fall
But in your darkest hour of all
Lift your eyes and know that I am God
I know He is God, but I am having great difficulty seeing Him in the darkness. I long to unburden myself and talk about all that is weighing so heavy on me, but a blog is a little too public for me … I can only ask for your prayers and encouragement.
OneMom
Dear One Mom – I was happy to wake up this morning and see you in my Google Reader, but then became saddened by what’s on your heart and what weighs heavily on your mind.
I’m frustrated by the bullies out there who have invaded your blog. And my heart is filled with concern for the situation you face daily. Please feel free to email me and vent … my schedule has time for reading, that’s for sure. and praying. I am praying for you Kerry and your family.
I’m sorry to hear you are having so much trouble, One Mom. Like Susan, I was glad when I got up this morning and found your new post in Google Reader.
Blogging can be rewarding, but it can also be frustrating. Some people want only to stir up trouble, instead of having a decent conversation.
I am hoping and praying everything gets better for you and your family. Having lost my mother in February, I can’t imagine how I would have felt, had she been 1000 miles away, instead of 10 miles. Part of what helped me get through that was the fact that I was so close to her and Dad.
LD Jackson recently posted..Mitt Romney Is Not John McCain and This Is Not 2008
I began a reply comment to your post several minutes ago, and then all of a sudden I lost my post and don’t know where it went or what happened to it. A tiny example of how we all have our problems. Anyway, I will start over with what I intended to say.
Maybe it will help a bit that you have openly “unburdened” yourself in this post. Friends, even when they may not agree on every single point, still desire the best for you and your family. The lines you quote from the song by Harvest called to my mind those similar lines from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s little poem, “The Rainy Day.”
“Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall.”
And some things in each of our lives never seem to get solved. I think the Scriptures provide the best foundation, inspiration and guidance. I love history, and especially biography, best of all reading. I have discovered that even in the most saintly lives there are repeated trials and some things that cannot be understood. But I have also found in the lives of others and my own life that grace and assistance somehow comes along in one form or another and we are enabled to go onward.
I figured something was going on since you did not show up for awhile. I am not surprised you get your fair share of trolls. Your blog is about religion and politics. The 2 topics that no one is willing to budge on. Wars have been fought for centuries over these 2 topics.
I am so sorry you are sad. We love OneMom and hope you find a way back to share your voice. Cat, Chaps and Emma
These are not easy times, that’s for sure. I knew something had to be wrong when I didn’t see the Thursday Three or a post for a while. But I figured you were ok because I saw you on bassethoundtown. Good luck and hang in there. Things will work out.
I’m very sorry to read that you are in the midst of circumstances which are making you feel anxious and weary. I will certainly be praying for you.
A few years ago, my life circumstances often seemed quite overwhelming. (I was working two part-time jobs to help make ends meet, while homeschooling both my own daughter and also the son of my dear friend – who had just passed away.) One thing that I found encouraging was to think about people from the past or from other areas of the world who faced hardships and yet persevered. Their determination and faith inspired me.
(I blogged about some of them; maybe you remember these posts:
http://theglasshalffull.wordpress.com/2008/01/19/books/
http://theglasshalffull.wordpress.com/2008/02/06/potholes-and-rationing/
http://theglasshalffull.wordpress.com/2008/04/20/theres-nothing-to-eat/
http://theglasshalffull.wordpress.com/2008/06/10/the-refreshment-of-prayer/ )
I think you are wise to limit the negative input into your life from blog trolls and network news. They can be such a source of frustration and discouragement. How much better it is to nourish your mind and soul with uplifting things – like music, Scripture, good books, nature, and, of course, the company of loved ones.
I hope things begin to look brighter for you very soon.
“The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5
“Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:8
Hi Mom. Congratulations on your anniversary.
In the homily, during Mass, not long ago, the priest said, “When you see a cross in front of you don’t walk around it. Pick it up.”
For now, this is your cross. You know He won’t give you more than you can handle. I can only imagine how difficult it is for a woman to have to be the primary provider in a family It must be particularly difficult when the woman wants to be at home. I know that I would struggle in your husband’s situation. He must be a strong leader in your home.
I know that you will continue to be faithful. Pray that His will be done. And, please know that all your web-friends will have you in our prayers.
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